Run to God with Maddie de Aquino

While praying, Maddie de Aquino heard God speak to her heart as a young girl:

"You are mine, and I am yours."

Maddie thought she was being called to religious life.

However, everything shifted when Maddie was 15 and her beloved mother passed away from a stroke. Consumed by anger, Maddie distanced herself from God.

She could not have imagined how God would pursue her and transform her heart.

Now, Maddie is a consecrated virgin. She has made a vow of perpetual virginity and offers her spiritual motherhood in service to the Church.

In this Easter podcast, learn how to run to God, even amidst great sorrow.

Maddie is a digital missionary and works under Monsignor Lucio Ruiz, Secretary of the Dicastery for Communications of the Holy See.

Transcript:

Lindy Wynne (00:02.004)

Welcome to Mamas in Spirit, a podcast pointing you towards God in everything you are and everything you do. I'm Lindy Wynne and it's a blessing to be with you. Hello everyone and welcome to this Easter mini retreat in a podcast. I have said this so many times and I probably sound like a broken record, but I think it's a very, very important broken record is that we are in the Easter season and we are called to be Easter people.

and we do seven weeks of Lent and we also have seven weeks of Easter. And so we are here in the joy of the Lord. And I just feel my smile is going to like come off my face. I'm so enchanted and delighted to be here with Maddie De Aquino. Maddie, thank you so much for joining us.

Maddie (00:42.414)

Thank

Maddie (00:49.546)

It's my pleasure. Thank you for having me. I've been looking forward to this.

Lindy Wynne (00:54.847)

And are you in Mexico right now?

Maddie (00:56.834)

Yes, I am in Mexico City with our Lady of Guadalupe.

Lindy Wynne (00:59.15)

Amen and alleluia. I've told you before and I've said in podcasts many times before that Our Lady of Guadalupe is so important to our family. All of our children are somewhat of Mexican descent. We're an adoptive family and just thinking of us all being held in her mantle with all those glorious stars is just, it just reinvigorates and delights the soul for sure.

Maddie (01:21.294)

you

Lindy Wynne (01:25.922)

So I met Maddie because in my diocese, the diocese of Nashville, Maddie came to spend time with us and I was blessed beyond measure to get together with her in a tiny little office in the diocese of Nashville and have a profound, a great conversation, a great dialogue of the heart. And Maddie works with digital missionaries and is a digital missionary herself. And she asked me, why are you a digital missionary?

And I was like, I've never even thought of myself that way before, which Maddie knows. Really, Momma's in Spirit was a seed planted in my heart by the Lord, and it was this opportunity to hopefully bring living witness to everyone so that you know by the grace and the glory of God that all things truly are possible with him. And so what I said to you, Maddie, was that I feel like it's just a way for like in the intimacy of my own heart and my own...

love for the Lord to hopefully many that I will never know to be with and to reach to hearts intimately on the other side of whatever it is. You know whether if you're on YouTube it's the screen, if you're listening to this time, it's just hopefully to be together in Christ. And so in that spirit, in the Holy Spirit, Maddie, I would love for you to open us in prayer.

Maddie (02:40.652)

I would love that. In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.

Maddie (02:48.024)

Good Father, we love you and we praise you and we thank you for this time together. I pray that you bless us, that you bless our words, that we may use them just to glorify you because the glory is all yours. And I am just grateful that you allow us to be together and that you allow us to share the language that you love the most, which is the language of the heart. I ask that you bless.

every single person listening to us that they may experience your love and the joy of the resurrection of your son because we believe he resurrected and we believe that he continues to be among us. Please father make everybody have that experience of your love and joy the joy of Easter because we are the people of the Easter and our song is to Alleluia.

and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.

Lindy Wynne (03:46.452)

Amen, and I wanna say Amen and Alleluia

Maddie (03:50.75)

yeah, yes, that is how we need to say it, from the heart.

Lindy Wynne (03:54.316)

Yes, from the heart. We do that in our house with our children too. It's really, it's a really a joy.

Maddie (03:59.81)

Yes.

Yes, it's been a love to say that today. How joyful.

Lindy Wynne (04:07.652)

It is joyful. And Maddie, your passionate heart for the Lord and the light of the Lord that shines through you, we can already hear and witness. so I would just love for you to share where that's from at the start of your story.

Maddie (04:24.258)

Yes, while I was praying, this image came to me of a pin that was given to me by one of my friends. It's two hearts, the heart of Mary, the Immaculate Heart of Mary, and the Sacred Heart of Jesus. And I was just thinking how my story is really a story of the heart, a story of how Jesus basically stole my heart, but he gave me his first. I just didn't know I already had his.

And it was a journey of finding out that I had stolen his heart also. So I would say that it all started for me with my calling to consecrated life, which at a very simple level, I experienced very, very young. I was seven years old and I was getting ready to receive First Communion the day before.

We did that, we went to this retreat and I remember I was a very curious child. I was energetic and I was also stubborn, which can be a very not so much fun for my parents combination. But there was, we were taken to this convent for that retreat and there was this door and I was just curious. I had to know what was behind it. So I went in, it was a little room and there were only two things there.

There was a tiny, tiny pew, just in a crucifix. I knelt down there, and that's when I heard from Jesus in my heart for the first time. I am yours, and you are mine. I heard that in my heart, and that was simple to me. I did not have the complications or this trying to go deeper into it like I do now as an adult. As a child, I just knew it was true, and I just knew...

It meant that I was going to marry Jesus. That's all I knew. I was going to just be a spouse to him. That's all I knew. And I started telling my parents, like, you know what? At some point I'm going to marry Jesus and I'm going to go live at a convent. And my parents were like, I think this child, like, are you crazy? Like something, something's going on here. And well, I think that was the big grace and everything else just

Maddie (06:52.088)

gravitates around it because that was the moment, the first time that I have a memory in my heart of listening to the voice of God in my heart. So I knew I could hear him. I knew I could talk to him. So my relationship with him developed in that simplicity. It was spontaneous. I would talk to him. I would hear his voice in my heart. I knew what he wanted was my heart.

So it was simple. I think as adults, complicate things. But to me as a child, I think that is just a really great gift. And that relationship continued to develop. And I could hear him say things, for example, I remember very clearly when I had a decision to make as a child, of course, not only between seeing or not seeing, but just any kind of decision.

I remember hearing in my heart like, you know, keep your heart Maddie. Like that's most important thing, you know? Guard your heart. And when I grew up, I found out, well, that's actually in the Bible. Above all, guard your heart. It's there. So my relationship with him, it was just, I was captivated by Jesus.

I just wanted to spend time with him. I wanted to talk to him all the time. I wanted to listen from him all the time. I loved the Cathy Keyses at school. That class to me, my faith, I don't know, religion class, it was what I enjoyed the most because I found out, like, I also knew his heart and that's what I loved about him. And then I thought it was like that for everybody.

I thought everybody talked to him like that and he spoke like that to everybody. right now when I hear myself like thinking that he, you were eight years old, seven years old and you were saying these things, people must have thought you were crazy. But now I know that my boyfriend, my seven year old boyfriend is now a priest. So I guess there was someone else who was captivated by Jesus.

Maddie (09:17.518)

So that relationship, was just knowing his heart that set mine on fire. And that is a grace because I know I am not capable of that. So I have always thought of that as a gift that I have to guard and that I have to be really, really grateful for, but also to take care of it. And so I've always been grateful for that and I always tell.

that to God, like, I'm not capable of this love. I'm not capable of this. So I know you are giving me this grace. And I'm just, that's the first thing I'm grateful for. Then, so I would say knowing the heart of Jesus, then I grew up. And when I was a teenager, there was a moment that was very important in my life.

but it was not in a good way. I lost my mother at the age of 15. And it was very painful. She died from a stroke. So we were not expecting it. It was out of nowhere. It had been my birthday and my birthday is on January 21st. Her birthday was January 22nd. So we usually spent those days together and we had a special celebration.

And we came back from our dinner that we had, and then she went to bed, and that was the last thing I heard from her. Her last words to me, she said, you know what, Maddie, from my children, there's four of us, you are the one that I think I don't have to worry that much about. And I was like, okay, why? And she said, because you know your heart.

You're authentic. You're not going to make decisions based on what anybody else says about you or anything. Like, you're going to be authentic. So I think I don't have to worry about you so much. That was the last thing she said to me. And again, that was about the heart. I do believe that my relationship with Jesus has and continues to reveal his heart to me, but he also reveals my own heart to me.

Lindy Wynne (11:23.977)

you

Maddie (11:40.206)

Because I think we have these blind spots, you There is also this Bible verse in Jeremiah that says, you know, nothing is more tortuous than the human heart. Who can't understand it? Only the Lord. Only he can reveal to us those blind spots in our hearts. So my mom passed away. I got really mad at Jesus. And I really stopped talking to God.

And I would run away from his presence because I would feel him. And I would hear what he was saying to me and I would run away. I like, I'm not gonna talk to you. I'm not gonna marry you and forget about everything that I said in the past. I'm done with this, you betrayed me. And I just ran away from his presence. I was also 15 years old, so that didn't help a lot. And I told you how I was.

Lindy Wynne (12:33.704)

you

Maddie (12:40.174)

That didn't help a lot. Rebellious as it gets. well, passionate, like passionate, teenager, traumatic, so... So I got mad at him. And I would still do things that in my head would be like taking care of my heart, like I would gather donations and take them to the Red Cross and do these humanitarian activities, but...

Then I could still feel in my heart how it was not the same. But still I would be stubborn and I said, I'm still not talking to you. Still not there, pal. Like you and I? No. So I then started university. I went to college and I started med school. I was going to be a doctor and I wanted to be a cardiologist. So

The topic of the heart keeps coming up in my life, I start med school. I was actually really good at it. I still have some skills. I can still do surgery stitches with my eyes closed because of all the training. And I still understand the Latin. There's a lot that I took from that. And there was this moment, there was this test.

I had, it was a crazy test. It was, the questions were something like that. If an athlete is at this speed and they had this accident and their aorta is damaged, how likely is it that he survives? I was like, I don't know. I honestly have no idea. And it was really stressful.

And I remember at that moment, I was still not over my mom passing away. My dad lost his job also. So there was a lot going on in my life. I was very young. And so I was also working. I was paying for my tuition and everything. So I had a job and then I went to school. And I was just, that was the moment in my life in which I thought like, I can't do this anymore.

Maddie (15:08.428)

And I was coming downstairs after taking that exam. And I remember being so mad at God because I felt neglected. And I look up and I say, the only thing that's missing right now, the only thing I need is a storm. Because I have parked my car on the other side of the campus. So that's the only thing that I need today, you know? That's the only thing that would be the cherry on top of my super amazing day. So I go downstairs.

I literally saw the sky turn gray and it started to rain. I was like, yep, just my luck, just what I needed. So I was really mad at God and I was walking and I found my faculty director and he had been a teacher also to one of my uncles who is a doctor.

And he stops me and he's like, Maddie, what's up? Like, what's wrong with you? Your face. I was like, my face? Do you want me to tell it? Do you really want to hear the story? He's like, he takes me to his office and we started to talk. And it was a very deep conversation. Like he told me his story. He opened up to me and he cried and I told him what I was going through and he cried and I cried too. So we really had a connection.

That man changed my life in that conversation. And he said, you know what, I'm going to need you to talk to this friend of mine. And I thought like, OK, now he thinks I'm crazy. He's sending me to therapy. Thank you. It was not it. It was a consecrated woman. And when he told me that, was like, know, there is one thing that I don't want right now, and that's everything related to God.

But I didn't want to be rude to him. So I said, OK. And he dials something on the phone. He hands me the speaker. And on the other side, there was this woman named Christina. And I am like, hi, Christina. This is Maddie. I'm here with doctor. And he just hand me the speaker. And she was like, OK, we need to talk. Come see me. And I'm like, yeah, that would be great. Let's, you know, we can.

Maddie (17:33.07)

Coordinate with our calendars and she's like come tomorrow How am I gonna get out of this? I said yes So I agreed to see her because the doctor was right in front of me. I was just trying to not be rude and I said, okay, so I was hoping to cancel the appointment But I didn't get her phone number so I I couldn't do it So I go see her

And I remember I was going upstairs to her office and there were some pictures of people coming back from mission trips and they looked so happy. And I remember looking at them and I was like, why are you so happy? why are you, what's with all those big smiles? And I was just angry. And so I finally met her. We talked for two hours.

And I told her everything that I was going through and how I felt about God. And she said she would like to be my spiritual director if I thought that I wanted that. And I was like, yeah, I don't know. I said, like, I remember saying, can I pray about it? And of course I wasn't going to pray. So.

I was just a normal college student. had a boyfriend and all I wanted was to get some sleep after all the work that I had to do. And I said, yeah, sure. But she gave me no way out. She said, okay, so I'll see you in two weeks. I was like, no, you won't. So I left and of course I canceled that appointment, but she gave me a card with her number.

And I had a really good memory. remember images and I looked at the card and I put it in my bag and I don't know what I did with it. But I canceled that appointment and then six months passed and I didn't speak to this woman. But my heart, I would feel it. I feel like Maddie, you're supposed to do this, you know? And this is something that is very peculiar. I would say not peculiar, but special.

Maddie (19:54.83)

between Jesus and I, and it is the fact that when he comes to my heart and he speaks to me, he doesn't speak to me from the place of a friend, but as a spouse. Like, you know I am your bridegroom. You know who you belong to. And I was trying to fight that. It was like, no, Yo, too much.

Maddie (20:25.742)

I, six months, I had this fight with my own heart, you know, this conflict, knowing like, yeah, I know, I know I'm yours, but I don't wanna be yours. And then at some point I couldn't fight it anymore because I would remember that conversation and it would just go so deep into my heart. And it was like, who are you trying to fool, Maddie? And then I just, this is the first time I spoke to him since my mother's passing.

I just looked up and said, okay, I'm taking a bigger risk here, but if this is you, like if everything that is going on in my heart right now, if that is you, then help me contact this woman again. And I gave him an ultimatum. said, I'm gonna pick up the phone. If I remember the number, I search spiritual direction. If I don't remember the number, then that means you don't want it and I can just continue my life with my boyfriend.

And you know, and just be happy that because to me having that boyfriend that was like retaliating, you know. And so I pick up the phone and Lindy, this moment was supernatural to me. I remembered the image of the card that that woman gave me with her phone number. I saw it in my memory. I still didn't believe it. So I pick up the phone.

I dialed, because I was at work, so I dialed the number. And this woman had a position. She was a director of all the mission trips of that organization. So that number, usually it would be the receptionist that would pick up. And she would ask her assistance if she had the time to speak to me. But now I just dialed the number and she picked up.

And I was like, okay. Kristin, is this you? And she's like, yes. Like, so this is Maddie. I don't know if you remember. Maddie, how have you been? I'm good. Can we talk? Like, I was wondering if you still, I mean, if you still have the time, we could start spiritual direction. Come see me tomorrow.

Maddie (22:45.794)

Like, okay. So I go see her and I started with my spiritual direction. Why that was important is, the reason I'm sharing that is through spiritual direction, I was evil to get back into the language of my heart and his heart and to listen again and

I there was conflict, of course. It is naive to think that it wouldn't be because our hearts, mean, the battle for us, it takes place in our hearts. That's the battle that we fight. And I struggled with getting back into a relationship with God, but I just kept walking one foot in front of the other. And then when I realized it, like before I knew it, I was...

Jesus was back in my life. And of course, some moments are better than others, but I did understand that what he was pursuing was that the openness of my heart to him and that intimacy that is simple, that is not complicated because I am his child. And it was to that spiritual direction that I was able to know my heart enough to

actually use words to describe how that relationship was and finding the Bible verses that actually speak about it. You know, now when I go to a retreat and I don't even know where my heart is because as we said, we have blank spots. I go to Psalm 138, right? Like you broke me, you know me, reveal my heart to me. And when I don't know what to say, that's what I say. You know my heart better than I do.

Sarah, reveal my heart to me. Because I want to give you my heart, but I cannot give you something that I don't possess. Sarah, if I don't know my own heart, how do I give it to you?

Maddie (24:58.04)

So that's what I pray when I don't feel like I have something to say. But it has been a journey since then. Just continue to develop and to nurture this intimacy with him that sustains my every day and every action. And when this spousal intimacy just developed into spiritual motherhood.

When I thought it couldn't get better, did. Because the spouse eventually becomes a mother. And either you do it physically or spiritually, like motherhood is our femininity, right? And I never imagined that that award from having lost my mother, redeemed in the love of Christ and intimacy with him would turn me into a spouse.

and mother, and my vocation, which is the vocation to consecrate the virginity, is offering that femininity to the church. I remember at some point somebody told me that we are God's adoptive children, and that option for the romance, when that part of the Bible was written, a Roman could have a child biologically, and they could...

kill it or send it, you know, just send it away and it would be okay. Nobody would say anything. It would not be frowned upon. But if that Roman chose, adopted a child, that's where the word comes from, ad option, like you choose it. They adopted a child. They could not change their mind about it. And that's what it means. Like God did not have to choose you or me as a child. He

wants to. And that makes me feel like that's my spiritual motherhood to the church. I choose to offer that to the church. Nobody takes my life from me. I give it away. And my femininity, which is, I think, the most beautiful gift that I have to offer, I have chosen to offer it to the universal church. And I found this while doing what I do, which is

Maddie (27:24.494)

I help, I work in a project that is named Church is Listening. And it, we explore what digital mission is for the church. Three years ago, we didn't have the word digital mission. And right now, a space in which the human heart is very vulnerable is social media. It's all, you know, those digital spaces where people are very vulnerable. Like just think right now.

everybody listening, you're here. How many times a day do you look at your phone? How many hours do you spend scrolling down? And we're completely vulnerable. And I do that because also those conversations, because the cares of the heart are really tricky. Like your heart cares about what it cares about. There's nothing you can do about it. And those cares are important.

We usually think as conflict is a problem, something bad, but actually conflict is a good thing. It reveals your heart to you. The problem is we don't, we should have the tools to manage conflict because there are tools that are very good. They're very good ones. But our heart is vulnerable to that content that we receive digitally. And we just have a responsibility as a church to be there for those hearts.

to give Christ a voice in those conversations that are building our culture and that will transform what our society will become. So we can do two things about it. We can just say, it's terrible. We can close our eyes like a little child and pretend it's not there. We can ignore it or we can be responsible for it. And we can be missionaries in that digital community.

And that's what we feel called to do. And that's why I do what I do. And I offer this gift of spiritual motherhood to pushing into giving the church and Christ a voice in the digital media, because we're there. Hearts, vulnerable hearts are there. And that is a way in which we can reach them that is different from...

Maddie (29:47.806)

all the other means that we have for evangelization. There are special characteristics to this one that set my heart on fire because so many things have an impact on our hearts. But for example, trends, trends that tell us that you have to be something or you have to like something and that can disconnect you from the uniqueness of your heart. But God didn't mean it.

for us to be the same. He made us different. That is a good thing. If you know your heart, if you know how you're different, how God gave you a different set of skills, you know, what you do, nobody else can do because only you have that exact set of skills. I have a friend that articulates it beautifully. She says, it's the logics of a water bottle.

And this is true about the church. This bottle only makes sense because it has a lid. And this lid only makes sense because it has a bottle.

If the lead doesn't do its job, it hurts the bottle. If the bottle doesn't do its job, it hurts the lead. And that's how we are connected in the church. We are all equipped with gifts to give to others, to offer to the church. And that is why our differences are so important. And this is why I believe we need to also be there in the social media.

helping people to listen, to pay attention to that in their hearts. Do not renounce the gift of your integrity, of your authenticity, but use it to offer your gifts. And that's why I do what I do.

Lindy Wynne (31:49.501)

Praise God, Maddie, thank you so much. Your heart is so beautiful and it just shines through. And I so appreciate you sharing your story about your call to consecrated virginity or as a consecrated virgin, because you and I have talked about like a lot of people in our church don't really know what that is or understand what that is. And you just talked about the uniqueness, the uniqueness of how each of us are formed and shaped, the gifts that we have, we're each fearfully and wonderfully made.

and you're resounding yes to your own vocation as you are and as you heard when you were just a little girl, which is just so precious, is incredibly touching. And I think it also helps kind of hone in the point of our individuality and how needed each person is to share the love of Christ in the world. And you also talked

quite a bit about the vulnerability of our hearts and just our hearts in general, which we see as the interior of the spiritual life and our faith, and really the interior of our very selves. And in speaking of that vulnerability, you talked about the loss of your mom, which is so, it's so sad. And it's so moving, Maddie, to think that you lost your mom at that age and to hear your story of your shared birthday dates that were just a day apart and.

The last thing that she said to you and that when she went to bed that night, didn't, you never could have imagined that that would have been the last time that you saw her. And that turn away from God in the vulnerability of your heart and in that overwhelming sorrow and the stages of grief and how part of grief is anger and how you are angry with God and pulled away from God. Yet God is faithful and God is so good. And you really spoke of your reversion.

your return with your whole heart, that's in our catechism, the return of your whole heart back to Christ. And now how you do that in your work as a digital missionary and helping digital missionaries, because it really is about the heart, every single thing we do. Maddie, your story was so packed with wisdom and insight, things for us to ponder, things for us to contemplate about our own hearts and our own lives.

Lindy Wynne (34:07.589)

I'd love for you to share how in the vulnerability of your own heart, how God drew you back to his, how Jesus drew you back to his in your sorrow and in your suffering, and how that has helped you to understand the vulnerability of the heart more to be able to do what you do.

Maddie (34:29.07)

Okay, so as I said, I have a wild card. I am stubborn, so it wasn't easy. I always knew that the thing is, the reason I shared that part of my story when I was very young is that I knew who he was. I knew his heart. that is what actually, because I never stopped believing he was there. I was just rejecting him.

I was just ignoring him. I was trying to run away, but I knew he was there. It would be teenager heartbrokenness like, I'm ignoring you. I know you're there, but I'm not talking to you. I would roll my eyes to him. But there is a verse, second letter, second Timothy 1 12, where he says, I know him who I have believed.

I knew who he was. And that, when you know the heart, that's intimacy. I spent so many years, like when I was seven, until my mom died, there was a building up of that intimacy. I knew he was seeing me. I knew I was seen every minute of the day. I knew his gaze was upon me.

And I knew it was a loving gaze. Even now, I just close my eyes and I just, you know, take that in like, he's gaze, he's on me right now. Such a loving gaze. The gaze of his spouse, you know? He is a spouse to all of our souls. We're all meant to be his spouses in heaven. And I just take that in.

And I believe that set the foundation for me to be able to come back. Because it was not like I was meeting a new person, which maybe the experience for many, right? When there is a conversion. For me, it was not like that. I already knew who he was. And my heart, I was hurt. There was healing that needed to happen, but there was not disbelief.

Maddie (36:57.742)

Um, it is, I usually use this image, um, when children get mad at their parents, they will throw tantrums, but they will still seek for your protection. And I knew, I knew, was just.

probably just trying to manage my pain and things hadn't gone the way I want them to go in many different ways. And that is hard to accept. And it is so easy to believe when things are going well for us, you know? But when you are in pain, now I know because I went to med school, it's even a biological thing that happens. When someone is in deep pain and we go to them and say like, God knows what he's doing.

doesn't have the capacity, biological capacity at that moment to take that step into that abstraction. Their brains are not capable of doing that at that moment. And I believe that's something that is happening to me too. I was just in so much pain. And this is the mistake that I made. So learn from my mistake. Instead of running

Lindy Wynne (38:14.109)

Mm-hmm.

Maddie (38:18.926)

from him, I should have ran towards him. That's the lesson that I learned. And that's how I handle conflict and everything in my life, pain, when it happens because it happens. And what I do is I remind myself, like, figure yourself up and run to him. Run towards him, Maddie. Don't run from the church. Don't run from Christ. Run towards.

That's where you need to be. And sometimes when we start negotiating with our brains and then, you know, just like, no, the church or he betrayed me or whatever. I don't allow myself to do that anymore. That's my first step. What do you do? You run towards the church and you run towards God. And that has made a difference in how I manage conflict. And I believe that at that moment,

It was just... I just kept putting one foot in front of the other. I knew his heart. So I knew he wasn't going to hurt me. But at the same time, when I started that spiritual direction, remember she was telling me how I should offer all my pain. I was like, no, what if he gives me more? You know, like, what if he likes my offering?

So how about we do something else? So it was a journey, but I just kept doing it. And you just need to do that. Like I think when I talk to teenagers now that are in this space in which they have so many questions, and I say, that's okay. Ask the question. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Make it to mass. Keep the question.

Just make it to mass, make it to the sacraments, confession, whatever, it's okay to have those questions. Just make it to the confessionary. Confessional, confessionary, how do you say that? To the confessional, just make it there, you know? Because you may not notice it. You may not notice the first step, but you will notice.

Lindy Wynne (40:30.659)

Confessional.

Maddie (40:45.208)

the serious of steps behind you when you look back. And just putting one foot in front of the other can take you amazing places. Took me back to Jesus, took me back to awareness of my own heart. And this is really important, that Jesus had helped me pay attention to my heart and making my heart a priority. Above all, guard your heart, as the Bible says.

And that doesn't mean just don't sin. It means feed your heart, nurture your heart. know, and to me, paying attention to our hearts, paying attention to conflict, it's really important to understand your heart because it tells you what you care about. You can find a lot about what God wants to say to you based on what you care about. If we go to confessional thinking about what affects me,

from all of this. Why do I care so much? Why do I care so little? You will be able to find very interesting conversations to have with Jesus to begin with, but also it reveals your heart to you. If we go to the confessional with this sin, we will see that our heart was in conflict. There were two forces pulling. And my friend that I told you about, says,

A conflict is a conflict because you care. If you don't care, you don't have conflict. Whatever made you sin, there is something you care about and you need to understand that. So listening to my own heart, I think also allowed me to realize that I did care. I was just ignoring my heart. I was in pain. I was ignoring Jesus.

But I cared enough to be mad at him. And I found out what I cared about. And I found out what is the thing that I cared the most about in life.

Maddie (43:00.78)

And once I realized it, no way out.

Lindy Wynne (43:05.464)

Yes, and what you're sharing reminds me of the saying that the opposite of love is apathy. And I love how you talk about what we have torment or turmoil or anything else over conflict over shows a deep care and a deep love. And what I'm hearing from you and I can relate to as I imagine we all can is that that greatest love is God. And when you talk about how

you ran away from God, I can relate to that because I remember when I was young and the first time, nine months into our marriage, that my husband was very, very sick, I ran to God. And I literally surrendered my heart and life. I look back to that purity of heart. And sometimes I think it was because I was so close to my baptism because I was baptized at 21 and I was married at 23. And this was when I was 24.

So I ran towards God with a purity of heart that I just look back on and I think, I am just so moved by it myself. Well, then he got sick again a few years later, a couple of years later, like so, so sick. He was so sick and fighting for his life and I got angry with God. And what I learned in that is turning away from God compounded every pain, every agony, every suffering, it made everything harder.

And then through a time of reversion, I returned to God with all my heart and there was a renewal, a transformation of my mind, which is also in scripture. And what I learned was that God never said, if we look in scripture, there is no place in scripture that says that we will not suffer. And if we look at everyone in the Bible, including our blessed mother, including Christ, everybody suffered. We can even think of the Rosary of Seven Sorrows and the

seven piercings, the seven daggers, the seven swords to Mary's heart. Part of reality of life is suffering. And we try to avoid that in so many ways, yet when there is an acceptance and we live in that reality close to Christ, the sacred heart of Christ, to love itself, that's hopefully when by the grace of God that love resides. Love resides in our hearts and more fully in our world.

Lindy Wynne (45:23.912)

And hopefully that's where love itself, Jesus, increases in the world. And I just hear that so much in you, Maddie, and so much in your story. And you are blessed with so much wisdom and so much insight. And what I'm hearing from you too is, which is an invitation for all of us, is that attentiveness to your heart, that attentiveness to your interior life and the movement of your very self, your very soul towards in a way

from God, so hopefully you will run to Him in all circumstances and in all moments, albeit imperfectly, like you said, we can always run to confession. So thank you so much, Maddie. I feel like this has been an outpouring of the heart. And like I said, just a beautiful invitation to each one of our hearts, uniquely and intimately, for each one of us to be with the Lord.

Maddie (46:04.132)

Thank

Lindy Wynne (46:22.143)

and to bring our hearts, to bring ourselves, our very selves to God just as we are so that we can experience his transformational love. Thank you, Maddie. Is there anything else you would like to share before we close?

Maddie (46:35.436)

two things. A word about suffering and pain. Unfortunately, and this is something that I think if you ponder it later, if you give it some time, I'm sure the Lord will speak to you about this, but conflict is not a bad thing. It is a good thing. And not only that, it is necessary.

Lindy Wynne (46:36.779)

Yes.

Maddie (47:04.866)

because that's when we exercise the biggest gift God gave us, which is freedom. If you don't have a conflict, you don't need to be free, because you don't need to decide anything. So pain, and this comes from my experience in those moments of pain, I would like to say to you, if you are suffering, if you are in pain, it is because you care. There is a care of your heart there.

and allow God to speak to you about that care and allow yourself to be in conflict. Allow yourself for your heart to stretch into different directions because you will discover. Job in the book of Job at the end, says, I had heard about you, but now I have seen you with my own eyes. What happened? He was in pain. He suffered so much. And in the end, he says, now I know who you

He probably found out, he probably found his own heart and the heart of God in that. And when you look back, then it's like, I know myself a little bit more and I know you a little bit better. And there is something else that I would like to share. This is Deluxe It Nuts. This is Pope Francis' last encyclical and it is all about the heart.

There is something that he says here in this sacred place of intimacy, our heart, that makes us unique. And that's all that we have to be is what God thought us to be. You better discover that because we don't get another chance at this life. You can live without finding that out. You can live without discovering your identity, discovering the gifts that God gave you, discovering your own heart or

you can find that out and offer it to the church. So I would say, if you're listening right now, God wanted you to hear this message for some reason, take this encyclical and meditate on it, especially on the part that it says, for faith to be truly transformational. It can't be just intellectual. And you just said that, Lindy, because it transformed your mind, because there was an experience in the.

Maddie (49:30.402)

So I just want to tell everyone this is a pearl. Meditate on it.

Lindy Wynne (49:38.741)

You're a pearl Maddie. I so appreciate you. You are. You are such a treasure. Thank you so much for invigorating my heart and just the way that you reflect the love and the passion, the charism of the Holy Spirit. It's just really beautiful. And in that spirit, I'd love if you could close us in prayer.

Maddie (49:56.066)

I'm sorry.

Maddie (50:01.806)

and to know the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. I can't hold my heart back. God, we love you so much. And I just want to say it again, Alleluia he is risen. Indeed, he is risen. And I thank you, Lord, for this moment that we shared. I pray that you continue to bless everybody listening.

that you help them, that you reveal their hearts to them, and that you reveal your own heart to them. I thank you for Lindy. I thank you for creating her, for loving her. I bless you for all the work that you do through her and through everybody listening. And I just give you all the glory because it's yours. So it's just fair that I say it. Thank you, Father. We love you.

In the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen.

Lindy Wynne (51:01.016)

Amen. Thank you so much, Maddie, and thank you everyone for being here. It is a delight of the heart and just sending you so much love straight to your heart exactly where you are. This is Lindy Wynne with Mamas in Spirit. May God bless you and yours always.