Rejected Then Healed by Jill Simons of Many Parts Ministries
Jill Simons lay on her bedroom floor, surrounded by nine rejection letters from top MFA programs.
After a childhood marked by remarkable achievements, Jill realized she could no longer rely on her accomplishments as the source of her identity.
Jill needed some healing.
Over six months, Jill regularly attended Adoration, during which Christ patiently awaited her to surrender the burden of self-imposed pressure and her desire to succeed.
After Jill embraced her identity as a beloved daughter of God, she felt called to learn more about her charisms and share them with the Church.
In this “mini retreat in a podcast,” begin to discover your charisms, too!
Jill is the founder of Many Parts Ministries. Learn more at www.manypartsministries.com.
Transcript:
Lindy Wynne (00:01.613)
Welcome to Mamas in Spirit, a podcast pointing you towards God in everything you are and everything you do. I'm Lindy Wynne and it's a blessing to be with you. Hello everyone and welcome to this mini retreat and a podcast. My heart just lights up at the start of every recording because I'm reminded that we're here together in Christ and there's really no greater gift that I found in this lifetime.
than to be with others who love God with all their hearts and all their souls. And we are doing this wonderful series that I am being blessed by like immensely and immeasurably women of wisdom. And so I would like to welcome Jill Simons of Many Parts Ministry. Jill, thank you so much for joining us.
Jill Simons (00:53.576)
Thank you for having me, Lindy. It's so great to be here.
Lindy Wynne (00:56.44)
Well, and I almost said many part and that doesn't make sense. It's many parts and I'm here like, good job, Lindy. Yes, many parts, one body. And I love that so much, Jill, because I've shared this in other podcasts, but in my kitchen, I'm a secondhand shopper and I found this like glorious kind of like written version of St. Catherine of Siena's
Jill Simons (01:04.979)
Yep, there's many parts, just one body.
Lindy Wynne (01:25.368)
quote about how we're called to be who God has created us each to be so that we can set the world on fire with his love. And that is what you're getting to here, Jill, is us being our fully authentic selves as fearfully and wonderfully made by the Lord so that we can glorify him together as one body. So so excited to hear and learn more of your personal witness and testimony, as well as about your ministry.
And before we do that, I would love for you to open us in prayer.
Jill Simons (01:57.054)
Sounds amazing. Let's begin in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen. Lord Jesus, we thank you for this community of women that Lindy has founded, brought together. We thank you for the opportunity for us to recognize the ways that we are so similar, so united, so surrendered.
in common to your holy will and anywhere that we feel like there are still those lies persisting that we are alone, that we are not like the people maybe we hear talking on the podcast, like we are not enough, we are not good enough to be able to offer our service to the Lord. We just ask that throughout the course of this podcast, you'll just melt those lies away.
and allow this to be really a transmission of truth, an opportunity to come in line with what it is that you say about each of us, what you speak over us, and give us the courage to speak that over ourselves. We love you, Lord, and we praise you. Amen.
Lindy Wynne (02:56.813)
Amen. In name of the Father, Son, Holy Spirit, amen. Did you say transmission of truth? I love that. I mean, I've never noticed anyone say that before. That's so beautiful. And I was thinking charisms are transmissions of big T truth. That's a really, really beautiful, Joe. So in that spirit, clearly the Holy Spirit's working through you. That was a beautiful prayer. I'd love for you to begin at the beginning of your story.
Jill Simons (03:04.381)
Mm-hmm.
Jill Simons (03:16.787)
Mm-hmm.
Jill Simons (03:26.984)
Yes. So when I think back to where it all started, I was a cradle Catholic and was given a really beautiful faith by my parents and also my maternal grandmother. And so I knew the Lord from a very young age. And it was also one of those precocious early readers that's either really fun to teach or a nightmare to teach for all those teachers, know, current or retired listening. And I was reading this novelization essentially of the life of St. Rose of Lima at a very low reading level when I was probably about six years old. And
Lindy Wynne (03:55.713)
.
Jill Simons (03:56.838)
I'm reading this just like weeping in the car and my mom is like, what are you reading? Maybe let's read something else. Like just how do we kind of get ourselves out of this situation? And she thought I was read that I was crying because this was a sad story about how Rose of Lima like chopped off her hair and burned her face with boiling water and did all these things to make herself unattractive for marriage. And she just wanted to be devoted solely to the Lord and things like that. And that was part of it.
But I think the bulk of it, which I could not have articulated at the time, was that I was so sad that she was a saint and I did not want to be like her at all. But I really yearned for intimacy with the Lord. Like I wanted to be close to Jesus. I wanted to be a saint. And then I was kind of put face to face with what that would look like and was like, my gosh, please no. Like I wanted to get married.
Lindy Wynne (04:44.744)
You
Lindy Wynne (04:49.74)
.
Jill Simons (04:53.838)
I knew I wanted to be an artist. I wanted to write all these things that I am doing now that were already there in their seedling form at six. And so when I was, you when you move a decade down the timeline, when I was 17, I came across this idea of charisms for the first time in the catechism. I think I Googled like as part of my college search, like what to do with your life Catholic. Like how do Catholics decide what they're going to do with their lives? And it pulled up.
both paragraphs 799 to 801 in the Catechism and several sections from John Paul II. And they convinced me very clearly like, okay, this is it. This is what I'm looking for is being able to articulate what my charisms are. The first line of paragraph 801 of the Catechism is some version of it is always necessary to discern your charisms. And so I'm waiting for paragraph 802 to be about how to do this.
Lindy Wynne (05:23.824)
.
Lindy Wynne (05:49.068)
.
Jill Simons (05:53.012)
And then it's over. Like, we're done in paragraph 801. And I was like, wait, I feel like we missed the most important part of this. And so this led me on this journey of really gathering two kinds of knowledge, both the knowledge of what it had for us in the Magisterium about the spiritual gifts and the history of the church, but then also a real experiential knowledge of walking with people through charism discernment.
essentially what happened is I tried to bring this into my community, wasn't an option at the time. And I'm that really specific mix of smart and stubborn where I was just like, well, fine then I will work it out and do it myself. And so that's what I did. And if I'm into something, I just can't stop sharing with people about it. So when I went to Benedictine, I was just the person who would talk about charisms when we were after class, when we were at events, whatever.
Lindy Wynne (06:28.135)
You
Jill Simons (06:46.066)
And so many people were interested in it for themselves. They wanted to know what their own charisms were. And so I started walking with them through discerning that and we would be able to take like 30 hours to talk through all the things. Cause I didn't know what I was doing. I was just literal trial and error. I would go and read stuff, then try and come back and workshop things. And I was like, okay, not quite. And try again. And I did this for years and years. And of course the process got a lot slower and a lot more refined.
And it was all a lot clearer to me because there was this development of sort of my head and my heart and my head and my vision at the same time for recognizing what the Holy Spirit was doing. And this whole time I was so in love with it that I would have loved to done this only my whole career. But the Lord really brought me into doing this work full time two years ago after doing a lot of healing in my identity that was necessary to just set aside the results, set aside the outcomes and actually be
Lindy Wynne (07:43.371)
That is amazing. Thank you for sharing all of that, Jill. there's two things. One is, correct me if I'm wrong, did Christ work through Google? Did you literally say into Google like,
Jill Simons (07:44.404)
present with the people I was serving and really not needing something back from them about what it said about me, the success or failure they had, the success or failure I perceived in the situation. And so that's what I have been doing for the last two years.
Lindy Wynne (08:12.848)
What do I do after college Catholic?
Jill Simons (08:16.082)
Yes. Yep. might, the search term might've been something different because it was like almost 20 years ago, but yes, some version of that.
Lindy Wynne (08:26.96)
I look to Google for a lot of things and I have to say, I think I messed around one day and was like, what should I do next in my life? But I don't remember what it said. It was not nearly that profound.
Jill Simons (08:38.702)
Yes, I think that the Catholic line inclusion was key. And I know that it was some version of the rabbit hole that led me down, but it was just clearly like in God's timing and he can work through whatever mediums we have available to us.
Lindy Wynne (08:53.554)
Yes, I love that you're sharing that. And Jill, I would love for you to dive in deeper because I appreciate so much what you're sharing that here you were, correct me if I'm wrong, exploring charisms and you spent years on this and here you are engaging in it and then you're doing it in ministry and your work. And then yet you are still struggling, even knowing your own charisms with really your own daughter ship, it sounds like.
Jill Simons (09:22.236)
Yeah. Yes, absolutely. Yes.
Lindy Wynne (09:23.518)
Can you talk more to that? And we'll delve deeper into that and into your own charisms too.
Jill Simons (09:30.876)
Yeah, absolutely. So in between the reading Rose of Lima and discovering charisms, I was non-maliciously exposed to pornography at 11, developed an addiction. And when I told someone for the first time in college trying to get out of it, was told that I must be incorrect because women don't have that issue. So I had about a decade long battle.
to get sober and to get out of things. so during that time, really acutely, is when I was so aware of this scales of balance, right? That there was just masses on the the, the ickiness, the unworthiness side of the scale. And so, so much of my life became about how can I prove and perform in every other area of my life to add in some kind of desperate attempt to balance these scales. And so,
Lindy Wynne (10:17.186)
Hmm.
Jill Simons (10:23.366)
When I started interviewing for jobs after college, everybody was like, what the heck did you think you were going to be? Because it was just such a, like, how many Pokemon experiences, achievements can we collect here in this time that I'm in high school and college? I started almost every show when I was in high school. I was a theater person. I graduated from college in three years, summa cum laude. Did a year of it abroad.
went to writing school in Ireland, art school in Italy, worked on Capitol Hill, in the press corps. I mean, all of these things that I was just trying to prove something about myself. And it really does make me sad if I think back on it too much, because I think there was so much that could have been in those experiences for me that it was not able to take the specific graces in those, because there was such an emphasis on...
Lindy Wynne (11:10.217)
.
Jill Simons (11:19.816)
what is this gonna mean about me and what is this going to say about me? And if I had been able to really rest and appreciate those experiences, I think it would have been much more fruitful to engage in them. And so post college, I got a job right away, but wasn't very happy in it. And so I decided to apply for MFA programs, very elite MFA programs in the same area that I had gone to writing school for in Ireland.
That program was really essentially for you to be able to cut your teeth and see if you could handle the rigor of a creative writing MFA. I had excelled in that program, so I thought, great, I'm gonna do great in a creative writing MFA. I was gonna write screenplays and poetry and things like that and apply to nine different programs at really elite schools. And these are all programs that take like less than three people a year and you only get accepted if you're going to have
Lindy Wynne (12:02.569)
.
.
Jill Simons (12:15.09)
a full ride teaching fellowship. So highly contested spots. And I got rejected by all nine schools. And I will never forget once in just a moment of high drama, what you'd expect from a theater major, I laid out my nine rejection letters, like in a halo around my head and just laid on the floor and was like, my life is over and I'm dying because I had never been told like, no.
but by everything based on achievement. And I think back on that, and it's so similar to me, like holding my kids to get a strep test or something like that, where I'm like, I know this is horrible. It truly is necessary. I'm so sorry. We're gonna do this and then it'll be over. And I just get that sense from God that it was that kind of thing for him watching me like, okay, we gotta do this. We gotta break you a little bit. Like it's to reset you. It's gonna be a good thing.
sorry, this is kind of awful right now. And it did start the recognition that this was a really harmful cycle that I was in. And it took another six or so years to really holistically address it. But I was working with a professional coach who knew about my love for charisms. And she's like, why aren't you just doing stuff with this now? And I was like, well, I just, feel like there's a piece that
Lindy Wynne (13:16.392)
.
Jill Simons (13:40.776)
that isn't there yet. And she did not know anything about Encounter School of Ministries at the time, but she knew someone who had gone through it and was like, I just wonder if this might not be the thing. And so I went to the website. I was just hoping to get like basic information and I ended up enrolling myself without recognizing that I had even enrolled myself. And then I got the email like fantastic classes start September, whatever.
Lindy Wynne (13:43.688)
.
Jill Simons (14:05.928)
I was like, okay, I guess we're doing this. Like, I don't even know what this is. And it was the vehicle, again, another time with the Holy Spirit, it's like, don't think about it, just order. Like, go ahead and move forward. And this is what I need you to do. And if you consider it too much, I don't know if you're gonna jump on the bandwagon. And encounter was the vehicle that the Lord really used to heal my identity. The whole first quarter of the first school year, when you go through the program is on identity.
And I felt like such a fraud the entire time. I was like, there, have no business being here. This is ridiculous. So many other people have this figured out. And I just remember so acutely thinking like, I don't know what it would be like to be a person and not be this way. I feel like I would not be a functional person. Like I wouldn't be striving to achieve things or, or trying to do what I could if I got rid of this. And it was so maddening because it was about
Lindy Wynne (14:41.896)
.
Jill Simons (15:04.084)
constantly focusing on achievement. And I was like, okay, what do I have to do to get better? And there was like, you need to not do it. And I was like, so then like, what do I do? Like it was just this circular, just frustration. And this went on for most of first quarter and my husband probably more out of frustration than anything, but it was the right suggestion was like, why don't you just go to adoration and not come home until there's been some movement on this. And so I went to adoration.
Lindy Wynne (15:11.879)
.
.
Jill Simons (15:32.338)
And I had this exchange with God where I imagined him, person of Christ in my mind. And as I'm pouring out my heart about how this is not possible, there's this circular logic that drives everything when I'm trying to address this and I'm supposed to not do anything, but I'm supposed to do something to fix this by doing nothing. And how does any of this work? And as I'm talking, this struggle that I have with achievement manifests as this huge, heavy cape, like this cloak that I'm wearing.
Lindy Wynne (15:46.655)
.
Jill Simons (16:02.928)
And it's like a big weighted blanket. And if you've ever used a weighted blanket, you know that there's kind of this like lulling that happens when you're underneath it. It kind of relaxes you in a way. But there's also not with a not with a lovely, you know, weighted blanket on your bed, but with this cloak, it was the element of being kind of trapped by it. So like both safe and trapped by the same thing. And Jesus reaches up and he just flicks the knot on the cloak and it falls off.
And I would love to be like, and then I was free and it was beautiful, but I just had a panic attack. I absolutely freaked out. I was just like, no, we're not doing things, Jesus. We're talking about things right now, like hypothetical. Let's keep it in the abstract right now. And he kind of laughed at me and he said, I know, I just wanted you to know that I could, but I also don't think you're ready for me too. And Jesus helped me put it back on.
Lindy Wynne (16:41.542)
.
Jill Simons (16:59.116)
And as we were talking, he was just like, do you, think you could come back and practice? And so it took like six months of going to each time of prayer, thinking about taking it off, sitting with the Lord without it on. And then when it was time to end, I would put it back on again until finally, I felt like I don't think I needed anymore. And he was like, yeah, I.
I don't think you needed it last week, but it took you till today and that's okay. And that's the infinite patience he had for that process, I think was one of the most transformative parts of it. cause his energy was not, you know, checking his watch like, my gosh, this has taken her a really long time. He was just there for as long as it took. And since that now I can tell if I have it on it just almost instantaneously and I'm able to take it off because there's sort of a new comfort zone.
where I don't rely on things like that. Not that I don't still struggle with it sometimes, but again, it's that like, that's what I'm doing. I'm gonna take it off, go back to the baseline that I have from that transformative experience.
Lindy Wynne (18:11.804)
Jill, that is so incredibly moving. That is so moving. And it's interesting because it was almost enchanting and funny when you said that you were laying on the floor of your room like a theater major. I was a theater, I did theater everybody. So that's why if I was laughing, I was laughing with you because you said that you.
Jill Simons (18:28.788)
Yeah.
Lindy Wynne (18:35.269)
placed the nine letters and they were like a halo around your head. But then you went to the true halo, the true king. Instead of laying on your bedroom floor, you went to adoration. So I think about the juxtaposition of those two places and spaces because I sense the desolation and the loneliness and the misery, the grief.
Jill Simons (18:47.742)
Mm-hmm.
Lindy Wynne (19:02.415)
the confusion, the distraughtness of you alone in your bedroom on the floor with all of those nine letters. And then I imagine you in adoration. And I imagine you alone, whether you were all the times you went or not, but that's how I imagine you. And just that grace of the Lord, that profound difference of being alone versus being with Christ. Because you could have like,
God is omnipresent, so God can be anywhere, yet we do like that. Sometimes I think of it like orange juice, I know this sounds nuts everybody, but just hang in there with me. Like I think of like how you can buy orange juice at the store or you can get concentrate, right? I think of like the concentrate. It's like being in adoration is like concentrate. And the reason I think I feel that way too is because I am a convert and I was really struggling before converting to.
Jill Simons (19:51.806)
Yes.
Lindy Wynne (19:59.407)
Catholicism to Christianity, I was non-religious before that. And I would go into the mission church at Mission Santa Clara, because that's where I went to college. And I would sense that concentrate, but I didn't know what it was. I didn't know the little red light meant that, you know, Jesus was there in the taverna. I knew none of that. But it's like I sensed the holy presence of Christ. And so it's really beautiful to think of you there in adoration.
Jill Simons (20:14.024)
Mm-hmm.
Lindy Wynne (20:28.982)
And to think about the gentleness and the patience of Christ that you talked about because that was the opposite of yourself. Like it sounds like when what you're sharing, it's really amazing because I don't think we've ever had anyone on in almost 300 mini retreats in a podcast that has spoken so explicitly about achievement and control and like self-imposed pressure. Yet I'm sure all of us can identify at least to some degree. And if we can't,
all glory and praise be to God. And so I think about like how we grip. I've heard this quote once that it was something like we let go once the pain of release is less than the pain of the grip of still holding on. It basically points to that. So your grip was tight. My goodness, Jill, like hearing your story, you do an amazing job of really expressing. You are very talented with words.
Jill Simons (21:15.698)
Yes. Yeah.
Lindy Wynne (21:26.616)
You do an amazing job of expressing that grip and that desire to hold on. And whether it's things like achievement and a performance, or it's gripping onto a child, gripping onto a spouse, gripping onto really anything, a job, a career, it could be anything in life. it's, we all do that at least to some degree. Gripping onto youth, trying not to age.
Jill Simons (21:41.256)
Yes.
Lindy Wynne (21:54.423)
trying not to die, even though we're all gonna die. So interesting, I read a recent book by a podcast guest, Alison Jingrass, and she says it so explicitly in the beginning of her book, I think like, we're all gonna die. But it seems like that's some kind of shock, but it is, it's like, we're trying to save ourselves, we're trying to achieve things ourselves, but it sounds like you experience that supernatural.
Jill Simons (21:57.533)
Yeah.
Jill Simons (22:10.046)
Mm-hmm.
Jill Simons (22:15.432)
Yes.
Lindy Wynne (22:21.176)
divine release by the grace of God. And I also super appreciate, Jill, that you talk about how you still struggle with that because we're human and like we all have ways that we function that hopefully by the grace of God, like God can totally take that away. Yet oftentimes it's lessened, it's lessened. And so the fact that you can catch yourself and be, it sounds like you're gentle with yourself now, like you're merciful with yourself, like.
Jill Simons (22:40.862)
Mm-hmm. Yes.
Lindy Wynne (22:49.313)
you have increased in self-compassion and understanding.
Jill Simons (22:53.766)
Yes, that's so true. And I think now when I have an issue, I'm like, okay, Jesus, like, I'm not so sure this comes up a lot at leading an apostolate, right, where I can't just not look at any metrics ever, because we've got stuff and my children and all of their children like to eat crazily. And so we've got to be able to do what we need to do just financially within the ministry simply.
And there are times where I'm like, this is what this seems to be the play, but I'm going to have to go to a hustle place to do this. So I like what's your plan here? Because I am capable of doing that. And I think I could do that now in most cases without going to a place of that performance. But it's also like, if you've got a different plan, like clue me in, because I don't want to go there unless that's actually where you want me to be. Because there's definitely times where we are called to that.
greater investment of work and really sowing the seeds, right, for things that we're going to reap in the future. And I think that that is the place where there's still a lot of struggle. And then probably the place that's most tender in this front for me on an ongoing basis is being a parent to a special needs child where my child is not visually disabled or special needs in any way, but he is diagnosed and it is significant. And it comes out in a lot of cases seeming not age appropriate.
Lindy Wynne (24:17.674)
you
Jill Simons (24:18.894)
and on the rude side of the spectrum, right? And so the thought is always people that are like, gosh, who raised this kid? Like, whose mom let him persist in this? And I'm the mom. I'm the mom that, you know, kind of regardless, you can look at my other children. And that's the temptation always to be like, can I show you another child and show you that I actually can confidently, you know, mother child? But of course, it's because I'm making that mean something about myself.
And that's the hardest thing to let go of because there's no need to apologize publicly for the needs that my son has or the delays in his development. But that is the place where it still is the most challenging for me to really just solely receive my identity from God and from the fact that I try and love and teach my child to the best of my ability. And I think that we all have
kind of differing, like, it's like a bar chart and you've got those that are like doing better on this front and you've got others that are lower on that front. And so praise God, he knew that I was going to do the ministry work that I was going to do and I needed a really specific liberation within my work life that he brought about. But in my personal life, things with friends, things with kids, this is still like a constantly like addressing situation of just looking at where am I picking up those narratives.
Lindy Wynne (25:20.065)
Jill Simons (25:46.108)
that I believe about myself.
Lindy Wynne (25:49.281)
Yes, you articulated that so beautifully too. And I can relate because I have two children who are living with special needs. They're now 26 and 23. And memories come flooding back to me as you're sharing. can't, there's, it seems like an infinite number of times, but the only thing infinite is the Lord. There are so many times that I was covered with the feeling of being mortified from whatever was unfolding in really our community, our social life, or
Jill Simons (26:08.242)
Yeah.
Lindy Wynne (26:18.153)
whatnot and things that I wouldn't even talk about in a podcast because they're so sensitive or they were just so strange or so difficult. I'm not saying I wouldn't talk about them off of Moments in Spirit, so feel free to reach out. But just the level, it is really fascinating how by the grace of God, we get chiseled through those experiences to let go. It goes back to that letting go because
when we're in that position as well as there's many other positions that maybe everyone listening can identify with this and in life, but when we're in the position that there is no mistaking that things aren't going well or that there's things that are going on that are not to what would be assumed either a socially acceptable standard or things like, it's really like,
Jill Simons (27:10.867)
ahead.
Lindy Wynne (27:13.441)
kind of like wearing our woundedness. This is something that I've explored and I talk about sometimes. But like we can wear our woundedness in so many ways and people can know like if somebody struggles with addiction and everybody figures out in the community that someone's struggling with addiction or if someone gets divorced and feels not that they are and feels like a failure or like they failed.
Jill Simons (27:37.854)
for
Lindy Wynne (27:38.474)
There's so many different ways and you talked about your addiction to pornography, which I so appreciate you sharing about that because that's another thing that would be so hidden that if somebody found out that someone might feel like a failure, but I'm sure there's people listening who have been, or who are addicted. And when you were talking about that, this memory came back, because I was kind of shocked by it, because I just didn't know.
Just so everybody knows, I was also exposed to pornography as a very young child, unfortunately. And so that's a part of my story too. Yet, when I was a mom of our youngest and went to a mom's group, I was so shocked that all these moms that were probably about a decade younger than me at the table talked about having struggled with addictions to pornography. And I was like, I had no idea. I mean, I was really shocked.
And I was blessed by the grace of God to not have that specific challenge in my life after being a child. Yet, they all like found such kind of understanding and like a bond with one another that this is something they grapple with. And I realized it's the internet. The internet became rampant and everything became so much more accessible. And so I think we have unfortunately generations of children that have struggled with that. But all of these things,
Jill Simons (28:35.966)
Yeah.
Lindy Wynne (29:00.703)
can really completely stomp any sense of perfection or achievement, which the good thing about all these things coming to light and you're sharing today is that there's no such thing as perfect other than the perfect love of God. Yet, even though we are not perfect, we are blessed and we are blessed with charisms.
And we are blessed with our eternal sacred relationship with the Lord to guide us of how to share our charism. So could you share about that, Jill? Like where was like the deep, deep shift in you with the Lord? It sounds like you experienced such healing freedom from that debilitating angst and control. And that then how did you move forward?
Jill Simons (29:30.633)
Yes.
Jill Simons (29:41.481)
Yeah.
Lindy Wynne (29:58.397)
And how did God bless you to be able to live more freely within your charisms? And what are they? I'd love to know.
Jill Simons (30:05.992)
Yeah, absolutely. This is such a great question. So lay of the land for people new to this conversation. Charisms are the specific graces that we receive that are unique to us as individuals. you know, me, Lindy, you all received the same grace for salvation and the same gifts of the Holy Spirit at our baptism and then sealed at our confirmation. What is not the same amongst all of us is our charisms, which are received at those same times.
We receive them first at our baptism and then can continue to receive just greater outpouring or new charisms as we continue to receive grace. These are the specific job that we have within the body of Christ. We have the grace to accomplish it. So the Holy Spirit gives us what we need to do what we must to build the body of Christ. So the easiest way to think about this is your chores within the family of God.
And so when your identity is out of step with reality, the fact that you are already beloved in the family of God, it is very easy to do your chores, quote unquote, use your charisms in a way like you are a foster kid who is terrified about getting sent back to the orphanage that you came from. So you are doing these things to try and be like, see, I'm effective, I'm helpful, I'm...
uplifting to the family, like, please do not start hating me. Please don't send me back. Please just let me stay here. How can I serve? How can I just live out of this slave mentality using my charisms? And that's what happens when this identity piece is out of place. When the identity is healed, we come into that place where we can be accurate about where chores sit and kind of the intensity level. So
I have four children, all of them have chores. And if they're not doing their chores, it's not a like, okay, we're on the the clock to disownment. It's just like, we're just having a logistical conversation about like, why are you not able to get them done? Like, do you not know how do you not have time? Is this not a good expectation? we're like, it's a literally just a logistical conversation. And that's the space we're invited into with the Lord.
Jill Simons (32:22.388)
from that place of knowing our identity and then also knowing our charisms, if it's hard for us to wield them, we're having a logistical conversation with Jesus. Like, what is it that this is supposed to look like? And so for me, I was, we became clear throughout this process of the charisms that were primary at the time in college, after I had been learning and having these conversations with people. And it was really clear that there was craftsmanship, writing and leadership.
as my primary charisms and those persisted as my primary charisms all throughout my twenties. And so those things were really close to my heart, really easy to do. And even when my identity was in a bad place, I was seeing the best fruit from doing those things versus anything else. But I was layering on top of it, this kind of need for achievement that was sort of undermining that fruit and making it, maybe it was good for other people potentially, who knows?
but it was not always fruitful for me in the way that our charism should be where we're really experiencing the fruits of the Holy Spirit for ourselves while we're sharing these gifts that are ultimately for other people. And so if nothing else, the best thing I ever did, the best grace that the Holy Spirit ever gave me throughout this process is that I was aware of how far from where I needed to be that I was. And so I was able to hold these two things at the same time. I knew I had a mission.
to share with people about charisms, but I cared about it too much to screw it up. And so I was like 21 years old. remember being like, this is all I want to do. I want you to make the way for me to do it. I don't trust myself as far as I can throw myself to determine how this should look because I know that if I start seeking opportunities, I'm going to just.
railroad this the same way I've railroaded everything my entire life by making it about myself and about achieving things. And so I asked the Lord from the depths, from the desolation, like, please let the entire process be run by people inviting me to do the next thing that you want me to do. And so my entire walk with charisms, my whole career to this point, I have done nothing that has not been
Jill Simons (34:41.628)
a direct ask or invitation from someone else. I always start from like at the beginning it was just, you will you help me discern my charisms? Yes. You're the person that's asking, will you come to my Bible study? Yes. Will you come to my parish? Yes. And then ultimately when there was an invitation to be able to spread this to a wider audience,
That was like the yes I had been waiting for, the opportunity I had been waiting for, and I knew that it was go time. And so since then, now we do have staff that reach out about things, but it was important to me that it was never my role, that it's something where a staff member is maybe reaching out to people about using our programs in parishes or with youth ministry or things like that, because that's how sales work. But it's never me in that role at any point or at any level.
because I just am going to be hands off the wheel until the day I die. And I'm gonna say yes to all the opportunities he puts in front of me, but I'm never gonna grasp for an opportunity because I don't trust myself that far. And you can tell the Holy Spirit things like that. I don't think that's the only way it can be. I don't think people that have done it differently are incorrect. That just, know myself and that's how it needed to be for me. And...
I don't know how I knew that I could ask for that, but that's clearly the best thing that I've ever done because then when the opportunities only came, kind of commensurate with what my identity could support. And so it wasn't until the healing had happened in my identity that I was able to move forward. And at every stage, I'm aware of being prepared for weight bearing at the next level.
So this is happening again as we're getting ready to, you know, just scale and be able to share a lot more. We're looking to work with as many people as we have ever worked with just in the next six months or so. And I'm aware that the Lord is preparing me really on three key virtues is humility, obedience, and courage to be weight bearing for the next level. And that's kind of just stair stepped up the entire journey.
Lindy Wynne (36:37.052)
Okay.
That is amazing. And being that the series is called a woman of wisdom, I believe there is so much wisdom in what you're sharing. And it touches on a story that was really a pivotal changing story for me and my discernment in life. Like it changed everything because much like you, Joe, I was a young woman that kind of like made it happen. Even when we were going to adopt our children.
I looked for the children. I went online and I found our children and all the things. And then I was working at university and friends with a priest and a friend was in a situation that was very, very difficult and I was really suffering and struggling and I was discerning or considering offering to adopt the child if needed. And
Jill Simons (37:55.956)
Mm-hmm.
Lindy Wynne (37:56.569)
The priest basically said to me that he thought that I needed to shift my discernment that I couldn't save everything and everyone in life and make everything happen or control all the things to my own will. And he encouraged me to invitational discernment at that point. And basically when I was invited that then I would discern if it was the will of the Lord or not. And that has how everything
has unfolded for me since then. And my life is so much more vibrant, more full, more amazing, and I believe in God's will than I ever could have imagined. And so it's very moving to hear you share that because there must be some great wisdom in that that he shared with me and that you're sharing now because look at the fruits that have come where they weren't done necessarily by your will or my will because
I cannot say that I was as much of a go-getter as you have been a go-getter, which I admire that because there's, I mean, I get the difficulty and the struggle in it, so I don't want to take away from that at all. I just think God has also used the gifts that he's given you to do what you're now doing as well. It's like we can get off track or there's shadow sides to our gifts and whatnot. You're more a pro in this stuff than me. But anyways, I'm just very moved by how
your humility and that you put other people in the roles of trying to grow something or to essentially like to sell the program or to what not because you know your own charisms and you know your own strengths and weaknesses.
Jill Simons (39:40.036)
Yeah, and that's the incredible, just huge leg up we have over most other organizations. One is that we've got just such incredible community buy-in the last time that we did a big hiring process. We had 106 applications from 10 countries. So we've got people that are just so excited about this idea and we actually are able to hire for charisms that we can see.
here's what we already have on the team and here's where the gaps are and here's what this role would entail. And just to found tremendous success doing that, my team is phenomenal. The woman that organized this is just such a great connector and so wonderful at creating opportunities for things. And then everybody else on the staff is just really well suited for where they fit. And that's what you see happen when healing comes in this identity is that
I was so afraid that then this part of my personality where I just am constantly like, what's next? Let's build things, was going to go away or I was going to lose access to that, which always kind of felt like my superpower. And so I didn't really want to give it up. But what has happened is now I have that exact same aptitude.
I can just roll away from the failures that much faster. So I can actually just iterate faster. And that's not the reason to heal your identity or to do this work, but it's something where it's just that constant upside down economy of heaven where when you give up the thing that you think is going to take everything away from you, it's what gives.
such a better level of things back to you. You know, there's the meme on social media, which might not be strictly theologically accurate, where there's the little teddy bear that the kid is holding and Jesus is asking for it from them because he's got a bigger one behind his back. And that's not always going to be the case where it's just like this small thing that you give me, I'm going to give it back to you exactly as is just better. But when we have the ability to interact with all of this in hindsight, we can see that
Lindy Wynne (41:26.106)
Okay.
Jill Simons (41:50.394)
it really is for our good, for our better in the biblical sense, like it shares with us in Romans that he works all things together for good for those that love and serve him. And so if we examine kind of why we are remaining self-reliant or what it is that we're afraid of losing, that's often a really powerful place to have the conversation with Christ because
Sometimes when we isolate that and look at it and see what it is, it's actually a little bit silly. That happens sometimes. And other times we recognize this is something that I could actually reasonably expect to simply be elevated and to be purified when I surrender it. And that's been so much of my experience. I build technology now, I write software for...
Lindy Wynne (42:25.241)
You
Jill Simons (42:36.916)
a lot of the very experimental things that we are looking to do with data science in the area of charisms and equipping of the church and things like that. Stuff that takes this kind of curiosity and creativity and just unique blend of skills that I have from my whole, are you going to be when you're going to grow up? This is what I'm going to be and it uses all of it. that's, think the other thing we can expect is that there's nothing wasted in our story.
when we surrender it at any point to what it is that God wants to do in us.
Lindy Wynne (43:08.303)
Yes, I love that so much. And one other thing that I just recognize that I'd like to point out from healing, ties into your name, Parts Ministries, is that when you heal and you don't, or I, any of us, don't have to be at all.
be the one, figure it all out, control all the things, which we can never do anyway. I mean, it's just, it's an impossibility is then we can stay in our lane and we can stay in the lane of our own charisms and gifts. And then we can fill up the other lanes on this highway of life with other people who have different charisms, different gifts and create a much bigger hole that ultimately and hopefully is in the one God.
Jill Simons (43:26.814)
Yes.
Jill Simons (43:38.11)
Mm-hmm.
Lindy Wynne (43:54.686)
and that is hopefully glorifying Kim. So I just love that so much, Jill. It has been an absolute delight to have you on. And I have to say you have another gift and that is focus because everyone I have a partner in crime when I record these mini retreats in the podcast and she's my 12th or 13th, I don't know, we rescued her old dog and she has been so misbehaved during this podcast. I even had to mute myself a couple of times and then I hid my mouth behind the microphone and I'm like.
Joy because that's her name. We didn't name her Joy. Come because she's over there flipping across the room. She barked at some point. So you got many talents, Jill. You just kept rolling.
Jill Simons (44:36.51)
Well, it is, you know, I'm used to a family of six, so there's a lot of noise. I always say when I speak live, like, bring all the babies, because I won't even notice that they're crying.
Lindy Wynne (44:39.704)
You
Lindy Wynne (44:48.63)
Yeah, well that did good and like she so must be, she just popped her head up and now she's asking for a pet, my goodness. Well Jill, thank you so much and where can everybody get ahold of you?
Jill Simons (45:00.616)
So if you want to learn more about charisms and start knowing what your own might be, you can go to manypartsministries.com. If you don't remember that, you can also just Google my name, Jill Simons Charisms. Our YouTube and all of my books on Amazon will come up. I've got five books on charisms out right now, books on just kind of...
all of the individual charisms, what they are, how to discern, how to bring this into your family life with children, how to walk with teenagers around this. And then also for people that really love the saints, where the charisms match up with different saints so that you can get a sense of which saints either do or do not have charisms in common with you so that you can start appreciating those rows of limas.
Lindy Wynne (45:23.831)
.
Jill Simons (45:46.056)
but over there. And they are going to be wonderful examples of holiness to the church, and you can pray for there in a session, but they're not going to be your example of how to live your specific life, and that is okay. The diversity of saints is such an important part of it, and the church gives us that diversity in her wisdom to help us realize that we don't have to all be alike to be able to pursue sainthood.
Lindy Wynne (46:09.053)
Amen. Thank you so much. And in that spirit in the Holy Spirit, let us close in prayer in the name of the Father, Son, Holy Spirit. Amen. Dearest Lord, thank you for shaping and molding and creating us in your image.
and out of love, your endless and glorious love. And Lord, I just pray that all of us here gathered that this is a beautiful invitation to our hearts to be fortified to know that you have blessed us with charisms and this opportunity for us to delve more deeply into understanding and knowing them in order to share them for your glory, to build your kingdom, which is very different than a secular understanding of kingdom in this world.
Lord, I just pray that we help the most poor, the most vulnerable, that we lift all of your children in your holy name. Amen. In the name of the Father, Son, Holy Spirit, amen. Thank you again, Jill, for being here.
Jill Simons (47:04.072)
My pleasure, Lindy.
Lindy Wynne (47:05.621)
And thank you everyone for gathering with us. You can listen to many more podcasts, both within this series, Women of Wisdom, as well as outside of it at mamasinspirit, M-A-M-A-S, in spirit.com. My dog is so distracting. And mamasinspirit.com. Can't wait to be together again next time. This is Lindy Wynne with mamasinspirit. May God bless you and yours always.